As someone I know likes to say...

[lithera]

... some motherfuckers' always tryin' to ice skate uphill.

In other words, I've got to do things my way, eve if my way isn't always the best way or the easy way. I'm a contradiction to myself. It sucks but it is that way.

I want to be able to leave but I want people to find me. I want people to find me but I don't want people to hold me down. I want people to hold me down but I want to be able to leave....

This often times makes living with me interesting and strange. I know. It would be nice to find where I put my center for this big spinny thing called my life.

It boils down to me actively trying to make things better for myself but, right now, all of those moves are only adding stress to my life. I'm leaking stress everywhere right now. I hate that. I hate it alot.

I need ... something. I can't think of what it is just now.

It has gotten easier to say no than to say yes again. I hate that. I really hate that.

Ugh.

Getting it out in some form helps. As usual.

Comments

[torquemada.livejournal.com]

*holds you down in ten minute increments so you have enough time to calm down, then lets you go when the timer dings*

*builds a cage for you but leaves off the doors*

*asks you about arcane knowledge of the DCverse and listens quietly and patiently*

*hugs*

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Thanks, sweetie.

[torquemada.livejournal.com]

My pleasure. Whatever you need, just ask.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Heh. If I could figure out what I wanted to ask for....

That seems to be the hard part.

[sharkcowsheep.livejournal.com]

You need to be poked with sticks! If nothing else, it'll be distracting for a while and give you practice in saying "OW HEY KNOCK IT OFF". :D

[lithera.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

Well. That would be something, at least.

[torquemada.livejournal.com]

I can offer, at the very least, companionship, snuggles, neckrubs, geeking, beer, a caring ear, and sometimes pie. And, if you need it, space to think and do your own thing. I'm sure if we think of anything else that might help, we can try that, too.

You're not alone, if you don't wanna be.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I think I need some time for me but then again, maybe not. I really just don't know

[torquemada.livejournal.com]

Well... try it out. See how it goes. Really, seriously try it.

If it sucks, you have my number.

Also, try to think of... I dunno, low-pressure kinds of things to do with people? Things closer to genuine hanging out, where you're not feeling pressured to be a hostess or in charge or on point so much. Maybe I can drag you and some books out to a coffee place off the hill somewhere and we can just sit and drink stuff and not run into anyone we know and just read quietly or something, together, but in our own spaces. Maybe it's that kind of thing you're missing.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

It is an idea.

[arian1.livejournal.com]

This should cheer you up.

Jack Thompson has decided to sue Microsoft.

Over Halo 3.

BAAHAHHAHAHA

[lithera.livejournal.com]

*peers*

..... Why?

[arian1.livejournal.com]

Because he wants to prevent them from having kids buy it...or he's just insane. Guess the fact he can't pick on Rockstar anymore is killing him.

http://games.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/05/23/2146236

[fireballof3.livejournal.com]

Friday night, come to the Merc after the movie!
Jenga & I will prolly be there hangin.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I'll see how I feel. Going to the Merc normally takes more energy than it gives me.

[fireballof3.livejournal.com]

Fair nuff.

I'll leave it up to you.

[yellowseptember.livejournal.com]

Vacation. Pamper thyself woman!

Beach. Men. Warm weather. Oh... and cheesecake. ;-)

[lithera.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

Well, I am going to Japan in a bit. I don't take vacations where I sit around and don't do anything. I normally get far too bored.

[yellowseptember.livejournal.com]

Is Japan a business trip?

Scratch the beach then. How about... SHOPPING, men, warm weather, and cheesecake? :D

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Japan is my cousin's wedding.

And I'm likely going to be bringing home a suitcase full of snacks!

[yellowseptember.livejournal.com]

Oh that sounds like fun! I hope you have a great time. Also hope you get some "me time" in too. :)

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I hope so. Bringing my best friend with me.

[fireballof3.livejournal.com]

Hey, how many "best friends" you got anyway woman? ;-)

[lithera.livejournal.com]

You're my bro. Holly's my best friend.

Brothers are best friends too but in a different way, you know?

[fireballof3.livejournal.com]

AH, I get ya.

Coo.