As someone I know likes to say...

[lithera]

... some motherfuckers' always tryin' to ice skate uphill.

In other words, I've got to do things my way, eve if my way isn't always the best way or the easy way. I'm a contradiction to myself. It sucks but it is that way.

I want to be able to leave but I want people to find me. I want people to find me but I don't want people to hold me down. I want people to hold me down but I want to be able to leave....

This often times makes living with me interesting and strange. I know. It would be nice to find where I put my center for this big spinny thing called my life.

It boils down to me actively trying to make things better for myself but, right now, all of those moves are only adding stress to my life. I'm leaking stress everywhere right now. I hate that. I hate it alot.

I need ... something. I can't think of what it is just now.

It has gotten easier to say no than to say yes again. I hate that. I really hate that.

Ugh.

Getting it out in some form helps. As usual.