A revelation...

[lithera]

Warning: This entry involves talk about characters of mine and it is very possible no one out there will give a damn. If you don't want to hear me talk about my characters and their evolution, don't read.



I have a strange way of thinking about my characters. They good ones are different aspects of my personality that I pull out and give a name and evolve into a person. This means that when those aspects of my personality come out, they tend to keep some of those crafted traits as well. Does that make any sense to anyone out there? I think that's the best explaination I've made of it yet.... Anyway. On to the important bits.

I had a revelation last night, thanks to Sean.

You see, I have this character Masque. Masque is a very strange person and while I am more than capable of playing Masque, this sort of character doesn't normally come into my head with /this/ many quirks. Especially one who isn't willing to talk to me to figure out why all of those quirks are there. This might sound weird, but it was almost as if the character was hiding something from me.

Masque was hiding something. Masque is another one of my characters who has evolved into someone else. So few people know both characters and I think that is another reason this happened.

You see, Masque is Cassiopeia had she survived for another few years. Had she survived Rathe. I didn't plan it - it just happened. If I had planned it, I would have made the character differently, however it fits. Some part of my subconcious was working overtime with this one, I think.

The obessesion with machines and information. The talking to cars and wanting to curl up with them. They both /hate/ being touched without being asked first. I should have realized this when I realized what Masque would do if Mika and Jonothan tried to seduce Masque. The guns, the suits, the fractures inside, the androgyny, the professionalism - especially the thing with the mentor.

It all makes sense.

The real bitchy part of it all, is now I know what gender Masque /was/. I still don't know what gender Masque /is/.

Comments

[seanb.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I envy the relationship you have with your characters; sometimes it scares me.

In our best conversations, I feel both at the same time.

Re:

[lithera.livejournal.com]

You know what? I'd like to say it scares me, but it doesn't. Even before I started roleplaying I had this sort of division of self - or almost icons to represent parts of my personality.

The woman with the sword has always been there. The healer. The quiet one. The agressive manipulative bitchy one. The hyper easily excited one. I think it started out as my way of dealing with the dramatic changes that came over me with my extreme mood swings and intense emotions. It helped if I could seperate them out, I could try to understand them and therefore try understand myself.

Does that make sense? I think that's the best I've ever done with explaining it all.

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

I had a friend at Bard who styled himself as a magickian [sic]. In high school he and his friend used GURPS as a tool. They'd find an element of their personality that they wanted to work on or explore or create, so they'd create a character whose defining trait was that. I don't know if they actually ever went on any campaigns or anything, but at least I can tell you that you're not unique here.

Re:

[seanb.livejournal.com]

I understand what you mean. Assigning roles to parts of yourself seems quite natural, even if it isn't quite my way. I mean, I can feel that different parts of my mind, different ways of looking at the world, are used when I "think like" my characters, but they've only occassionally surprised me; I definitely don't have the complex relationship that you describe.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has speculated that your style of roleplaying is a mild, relatively benign form of multiple-personalities style dissassociative disorder. It sounds like you've dealt with that possibility a long time ago.

I can see how this reductionist approach to yourself has been useful for you, to help you understand yourself by understanding the sides of yourself. It's a very interesting way of doing things.

And tons of fun to interact with.

Re:

[lithera.livejournal.com]

No. You're not the first person to bring that up. It is something that I've thought about. The thing is, that it is helpful to me - to understand myself, even if it does set me apart from others. I remember reading somewhere that what I do is the 'healthy' version of the disabling version of the disorder. I don't recall if I made the connection with myself then or later. I'm not even certain it is actually what is going on in my head. One of these days I'd like to sit down with a therapist and pour out my brain but ... well... I don't think it will be soon.

I definately pick myself apart to understand myself. If I have a problem, I have to slowly unwind it and from time to time, smash it, until I can get to the bottom of things. I used to do it with machines when I was younger. Sometimes I still do.

Of course sometimes coming out and saying these thigns in a forum like this makes me feel as though I'm in a cage for people to stare and poke at. Then again, I do my best not to have secrets and try to answer any question someone decides they want the answer to. Either way, I haven't stopped doing it.

[warpdragon.livejournal.com]

Kat talking about her characters often reminds me of novelists at Bookfest talking about theirs.

Especially mystery novelists, who are always the most interesting speakers.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[warpdragon.livejournal.com]

I didn't think of it as a compliment so much as an observation, but you're welcome anyway.

Re:

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Well, I wasn't sure what else to say. *grins*

[black-widow1417.livejournal.com]

My dad has a co-woker who is a practiced hypnotist, and he does past life regressions. At first the co-worker was skeptical when he encountered it, but he is convinced now, because he as had people speaking in forigen languages who have no knowledge of the language, and people who were different genders. He said that people average about 4-6 past lives. Cool stuff.

Does Masque have more masculine or feminine traits?
Which of those traits do Mika and Jonothan like about Masque?

I love making up characters, but I haven't learned to connect with them at your depth though..

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Masque doesn't really have masculine or feminine characters. I'm not going to have a game to play Masque in shortly, which is okay with me.