lithera | How many times...?

I'm not really sad right now. Calling it sad would be exaggerating in an absurd way. I'm calm. I'm thoughtful. I'm... I really don't have a word for how I'm feeling. I'd use melancholy but there's too much twistiness there.

I don't know how I feel right now. I do know, though, that I've been here before. I always come here when I'm doing lots of thinking.

I guess, I feel accepting. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone or not. I'm just tired of trying to talk about this and then not being able to do it.

Accepting isn't right either. I'm stuck between two opposing forces. I'm not acknowledging the pull of either on me. I've gotten use to the fact that I often have to entirely opposite desires at the same time. For example, I want to dig deep down roots and I want to move all at the same time. I want to stay, I want to go. I want to try something new, I want to stay nice and safe in my patterns. They're all the same things, aren't they? Things that everyone experiences? Saftey vs risk. New vs old.

I run into these things all of the time. Is everyone else like this too?

I've been thinking about that too recently. We're all obviously different but how do other people think? Not just what they can convey to me but how they actually think? Are there words when they think? Do they see pictures? Must they go step by step or do they arrive at conclusions?

I wish ther ewas more of a defined point to all of this.