Interesting...

[lithera]

I think I need ... I think I need to get back into doing more thigs by myself. Being out where I am I've gotten into the mentality of asking for rides from my roomies to go places. I really appreciate them for doing that but it has also turned my mindset into a dependant one again. Entirely my fault.

I'd forgotten how much I like wandering around and doing things on my own. When I went downtown to set up Marci's dinner at the Cheesecake factory I had a good time walking the city by myself. I'd forgotten how much I liked things like that. I need to continue remembering it.

I think I will go shopping this weekend. Getting to Northgate is a bit of a pain but walking around on my own, even in the mall for shopping, sounds like something I need.

No offense to people, in specific or general but I think I need some time and space to let my thoughts breathe.

Generally this is a turn in my thinking across my life. It seems to touch on things from how and what I eat, to chores, to going to the gym... Pretty much everything with any importance. I don't know when it happened but I stopped doing things with myself as the reason. I also stopped doing things for myself or my own mental health. I've let what others thing start to bother me too much. I shouldn't spend so much mental time wondering what people think of my and what I'm doing.

They can do their things and I will do mine. I don't mind company on the journey but I won't let others stop me from taking it.

I'm aware I go through this cycle from time to time. Maybe one of these days I'll actually get this cemented into my brain.

I never thought I would miss living alone. No problems with the roomies - I love them all. I just miss the freedom of it. There is something about shared mental space - if that makes any sense - that makes me weary after awhile.

I used to go walking when it happened in college. Go somewhere else. Saturday, I'll do something. We'll see what it is. Maybe more than one thing.

Comments

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I don't know. The thing is while I was probably more alone than I wanted to be it also meant that I had to make the effort to go out and talk to people. I couldn't just walk around the house and find someone. There are so many ways I get complacent living with people that I'm only starting to realize.

I don't want to move out on my own right now or in the near future but I can remember some things I really, really grew to appreciate about it.

There needs to be a balance and I'm just trying to find it.