This morning...

[lithera]

Damn you Spring Ahead... I feel like I'm dragging on the ground. Of course, it is Monday, so, that's not too far from normal.

There seems to be something odd about the internet this morning since I can't seem to get to half of the places I'd like to this morning. It is rather unfortunate thus far as it is keeping me from my music. Bleh.

Kurt Cobain killed himself ten years ago today. So far I've heard all about it on the radio this morning and seen an article about it on CNN and someone randomly mentioned it to me on the bus this morning.... You know what? Let it go. The man killed himself. He had some serious issues and he killed himself.

My hair didn't turn out as purpley as I would have liked but I do like the red it turned out. It almost looks like a normal color. How about that.

I burst a bloodvesel in my left eye sometime this weekend. There is a small burst of red in the white of my eye.

What else? D&D was excellent this weekend. We all died but that's okay.... Really. It fits in the story really well. And it feels pretty good to let Alanna go where she was at. Besides, we're reincarnated or something, so we'll see how much of that comes back.

Comments

Kurt

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

You have to expect some of that here; he was a local icon who pretty much defined the city for the entire country for a few years there.


Then again, seeing how I know that I'll be receiving (and writing) a lot of emails on 8/9/05, I can relate.

Re: Kurt

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It's just that it feels like the city hasn't let go much. I'm more bothered by Layne Staley's death in the long run but ..

I don't know. I guess it feels strange to me. I was never really captivated like that.

Re: Kurt

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

Now if you want to talk about the guy who makes the Kurt Cobain is murdered show on public access, I'm with you, but I haven't seen too much over the topness about Kurt's death really. There wasn't much of a build up to it after all.

Re: Kurt

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I just have someone who called into work because if it.

Maybe I just don't have the right mind set for it but it is hard for me to understand letting the grief of this impede my ability to carry on with what I need to do ten years later. I can understand being upset or sad but.... being grief stricken and impared in my day to day functioning...

Re: Kurt

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

Maybe s/he's going to some sort of tribute thing for Kurt that they just heard about. Maybe it's just one of those things where they just want to take a day to reflect on how their life is different now than it was when Nirvana was so important to them. Different people react to the same stimuli differently.

Re: Kurt

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I can see that, thinking about it.

I've just been rubbed the wrong way by all of it. There is so much emphasis on him and his death and how that changed Seattle. There is an almost making him into a saint or martyr of sorts if you listen to local radio stations. His death wasn't all that important to me, especially in comparisson to other things happening at the time. I'll admit my reaction is a knee jerk of sorts because of how others react to that and to me because of it.

Re: Kurt

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

Well I have to confess that Cobain meant little to me. I liked Nevermind, but not enough to ever actually go out and buy it. When he died I was still in Las Cruces and the main thing about it that effected me directly was this horrid editorial that someone wrote for the NMSU Roundup claiming that Kurt owed it to his fans to not kill himself. Just because people like me, doesn't mean that I have an obligation to them.

I think I'd be more cynical about this if it weren't for Jerry's death. I would argue that that affected Deadheads more directly than Cobain's death did to Nirvana fans because in addition to losing music, we also lost our gathering place and the obsession that drove us and took all of our vacations. Some of the fans that never have found another band that did it for them are still recovering from that.

However, at the same time, if you found someone who speaks to you, who says the things you think only better than you can express it, something like this can be hard. Not only will you never get to hear another Nirvana album, but it raises worrisome questions. If the person who wrote the music that I can relate to committed suicide, what does that say about my thoughts?

Re: Kurt

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I never related personally like that, even to the few musicians that I've found that do express my thoughts better than I do. That's what the difference there is from what I can tell. While, yes, we think the same things that doesn't mean that we're at all the same and that doesn't mean I know anything of what it is like to be you or you to be me.

I can see where that would get inside someone's head, though.

Thanks for working this through with me a bit.

Re: Kurt

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

Actually I've never related like that to a writer or a musician either, but I can just understand how someone can. Perhaps if something had happened to Suzanne Vega in 1988 or so, it might have had a similar effect to me, but even then I'm just too practical of a person perhaps.

Now the thing that weirds me out is when people get upset over baseball players who have retired decades ago, but I guess that's more about the complete and utter lack of eternal youth that the mourners are discovering in themselves.

No problem with the work through. This sort of thing always interests me and I was dangerously close to being productive here ;)

Re: Kurt

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I, personally, just can't see holding onto something like that for so long. It doesn't seem healthy. Especially in the case of baseball palyers or something like that. What happened to Vladimir Konstantinov is a damned, damned shame and it makes me a little sad now and then but then again it would make me feel that way if it had happened to anyone.

It probably has something to do with my own feelings on suicide, too, thinking about it further.

Heh. Sure. Anything I can do to help you out with the not working thing.

Re: Kurt

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

Well I don't see it as hanging on per se. More like you wake up one morning and think, "My God, that day that was so important to me was a DECADE ago. What has happened in that time?" or, "Ted Williams, the person who seemed so immortal when I was growing up is now dead of old age. My time is coming soon too, isn't it?"

It's a convenient time to think back and reflect, like a 30th birthday or Y2K.


So what are your feelings on suicide?

Re: Kurt

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Mmmm. That I can see. Marking it as a day to look back and figure out how things have changed, how you've changed.

I'm trying to figure out what I want to say about it, if anything, at the moment. I was in a situation where I thought about it, where I tried it, where close friends of mine tried it....

Today isn't a day for me to try to explain it.

Re: Kurt

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

"I'm trying to figure out what I want to say about it, if anything, at the moment. I was in a situation where I thought about it, where I tried it, where close friends of mine tried it...."


The one thing I hate about dejanews is that all of my old posts to alt.suicide.holiday from back when I was in Las Cruces and I didn't ever see things getting better are archived. At least they were posted under a different email account, so you'd have to actively be looking for them.

Re: Kurt

[lithera.livejournal.com]

It took me a few reads to parse that sentence correctly. I'm not entirely sure why.

I wrote a ton of poetry and letters and random other stuff during that time. I lent out the folder all of it was in to someone years ago and they never gave it back. While I'd like to have it around to look on, I think they did me a favor in the end.

Re: Kurt

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

Reading anything I wrote in the Sep 92- May 95 period is just painful. I was still young enough that I was completely out of control emotionally, was dealing with a rather difficult time in my life, and all of my energy was going towards trying to get my masters (and PhD... didn't happen) while staying on this side of the sanity/insanity line. I wish all of my usenet posts from that time could be wiped out, even my rec.music.phish ones.

Re: Kurt

[lithera.livejournal.com]

That's about the time I went a little crazy myself, though I pulled out of it before that. Mostly.

Re: Kurt

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

Factor in:

(1) 70+ hours of incredibly hard work every week

(2) Making $720/month

(3) My closest (geographically) friends lived 240 miles away in Albuquerque

(4) Living in a conservative town, one that approved of gay bashings and hounded people who weren't Christian

and

(5) The desert which always seems kind of conducive for insanity

and it's not surprising I had a rough go of it.

Re: Kurt

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I'd have gone crazy too.

Re: Kurt

[arian1.livejournal.com]

IT WAS ALL COURTNEY! SHE DID IT! *rantrantrant*

Ummm. Yeah..er :)

Funny thing is, from the person I've heard he was, he would have absolutely hated all this idol worship.

Ah well. You know he had blue eyes?

One blew left, one blew right.

*run*

[gehn.livejournal.com]

Bah, reincarnation is for the weak. Ending a story is way cooler.

We completely did away with the concept of resurrection/reincarnation in our campaign setting.. it just seems to take the fun out of things. If the DM kills a character as part of the story, or a PC dramatically dies.. it kinda kills the effect if you can just call up a priest and bring them back.

But then, that's just my view on it.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Well, in this situation it really does fit that we've been reincarnated. It's part of the story. Our choices were to joint the throngs of the undead and let the world slide into the darkness or to take our chances with this magical device that /might/ reincarnate us so we could fight the evil again later.

It was actually really cool.

[gehn.livejournal.com]

Oh, well, in that case....

I have no problem with anything, as long as it's "part of the story." Er.. and if the story doesn't suck. ;)

[lithera.livejournal.com]

*chuckles*

That and my character didn't really get an option about all of it, having just gone unconcious from shock. It was really good fun, the more I think about it.

[jeditigger.livejournal.com]

Kurt Cobain's suicide was unfortunate, sure. Anything like that is unfortunate. I have never understood flailing about over something like that, though. As you said, let it go. I find more tragic the death of an 11-year-old girl in our area whose Make a Wish Foundation wish was to fulfill the wishes of everyone else on the Make a Wish list. So she spent her last days as a fundraiser for others just as sick as she. Think of how far a soul like that could have gone in life.

Which, in any event, goes on. Life, that is. Hope your eye's fine. *hug*

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure my eye is fine. I mean, it doesn't hurt and I'm not having issues seeing out of it.

[warpdragon.livejournal.com]

Sorry you don't approve of my sadness. I'll try not to bother you with it.

Maybe it didn't affect you like it did me. That's no rason for you to tell me to let it go.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I don't mind people being sad. I mind the people who seem to think that it is the end of the world that he died. You're entitled to be upset and sad and I didn't mean to sound as though I'm against people being sad about his death.

I just can't understand being distressed by this to the point where you're unable to do anything but be sad today. I can't understand letting this impare someone's ability to function.

Maybe I'm a heathen of some sort because this is alien to me. I didn't know him personally. He wasn't a friend of mine. I'm sad that he's dead, I'm more sad that Layne Staley is dead but I'm not going to let it ruin my day.

I understand that his death was a large thing to many people. I just don't think it was the end of the world like more than one person I've run into today seems to behaving like.

I had someone call into work today unable to come in because of it. It seems extreme to me.

[warpdragon.livejournal.com]

If that's what you meant, then why not talk about that in the first place? Yeah, that seems extreme, but I don't know the person and I don't know what their circumstances are.

It's the freaking tenth anniversary. Of course it's going to be on CNN and on the radio.

I make a point of not judging others' grief. How people deal with death, be it their parents or a rock star or 3,000 strangers 3,000 miles away, is personal and unpredictable. Telling people to just get over it because it didn't affect you that much is just rude, and really not something I'd expect from you.

[jeditigger.livejournal.com]

Mmm...just from the sidelines I'd say that most of what goes into a LiveJournal is opinionated and personal, and I see points that both of you are making. Clearly, warpdragon, lithera has touched on a sore spot with you, which, knowing her, cannot have been intentional but is, in this venue, rather a likely happenstance if any opinion's proffered here. I just don't know how good an idea it is to take it so personally, since I'm reasonably certain she didn't mean it personally.

[warpdragon.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it wasn't personal. But to me it seemed kinda careless.

And I admit it was something I was... kinda prepared for, prepared to see, ready to be angry at. I expected it from older people, the Andy Rooneys of the world, so at least Kat doesn't have the hypocritical condescension of a baby boomer who cried when John Lennon was shot or who visited Jim Morrisson's grave in Paris but has no tolerance for anyone younger expressing the same damn thing.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I appologize.

[jeditigger.livejournal.com]

Well, this is one of those instances where... what're you apologizing for, hon? You didn't intend to insult or upset anyone, and your opinion's as valid as anyone else's. I guess you mean you regret that someone was upset by what you said... I just don't want to see you backpedalling overmuch. Not like you intended to hurt someone specifically or whatever. :)

[lithera.livejournal.com]

You've managed to put it in the words I can't seem to find today.

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

"You've managed to put it in the words I can't seem to find today."

Maybe you should have called in ;)

I can see both sides of this actually as I'm someone who said that NYC needs to get over the WTC bombings, but at the same time would just glare at someone who said that I was overreacting to something that bothered me.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Heh. I have vacation coming at the end of the week and wow do I need it.

[warpdragon.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I'm sorry for being so touchy about this.

[jeditigger.livejournal.com]

And while I'm at it... warpdragon, not sure you have anything to apologize for either. ;) Your feelings are perfectly valid. They're your feelings, after all! For my part, I wish that you weren't having this reminder of something that seems to have affected you deeply.

OK, now both of you, hug and carry on. :)

[lithera.livejournal.com]

You're the greatest, sweetie.

[warpdragon.livejournal.com]

btw, I like your hair.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Thank you. The more I look at it the more I like it but it still isn't as purple as I'd have wanted.

I'm really glad you like the CD. I was really nervous about it.