So... My weekend.
Apr. 21st, 2003 09:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
litheraFriday... Well, the less said about Friday before Con the better. I'm still trying to figure all of that out anyway. So, I got to Con and slipped into this lovely place where I didn't have to pay attention to the bad things that were happening elsewhere. I transformed into GothKat in about 15 minutes and went out to wander and dance and drink and have a good time. I felt pretty. It's been a long time since I felt pretty and it was nice. Danced, danced, hung out with Brian and Alex and Tina and Kris and Chris and Gavin and Michelle and Andy... It was just good. Seeing Alex was very good, as I never see him and have always enjoyed his company and felt comfortable around him.
This was the weekend of me realizing how many of my friends /don't/ know each other for all that they really should. How many of the people coming in and out of my life do and do not know each other. It was good to see them all though. It was a balm to reconnect with these people.
Saturday started with me waking up in pain as I only prought one pair of shoes with me to Con. Silly me. Ran into a friend from high school. That was a bit surreal. Went to a few pannels, had a few discussions. Looked at Micheal Whelan's paintings and wished I had the money to buy some of them. All in all I was not tempted by much in the dealer's room but I bought some art. It will come to me and I will love it.
Went back to the room and people showed up to hang out. One of them was Alex who brough Simon with him. It was good to see him. It's been years and now that I have his address and phone number and stuff I will not let contact slip so easily from my fingers this time. We hung out some, talked, partied a little. I was nibbled on by a few different people, drank some more, danced some more. Hung out with Jenny Z some and was pleased by the ease with which it came.
Hung out with Briand and chatted with him some. There are people I wish I could just have instantaneous communication with, some sort of synthesis or understanding or... I can't describe it. I spent time with these people this weekend. After a bit we went back to my room and chatted - me and Alex and Brian, later joined by Luke and someone who's name has left me.
Talked to Luke some. I instinctively knew he would understand what I needed to talk about and why things on Friday had sucked. I put together a few more pieces of things and was generally pleased. For a conversation that couldn't have been longer than 5 minutes, I learned a lot. I've grown paranoid of opening up too much with people. I never know how much to say. I'm scared of letting people see the extremes. The manic is easier to let out than the depression but... I need to work on it. There are far too few people I am comfortable crying, truly crying, around and holding it inside is making me crazy. It also makes it so when I'm around one of those people, those emotions surge up in me wanting release. Awkward at best.
Sunday was relaxing. Going to see movie previews, buying some things, getting some new d20s and then heading off to game. Game was short and sweet and then we watched Spirited Away. I love that movie. For some reason I instinctively trust Haku, even from the point of view of someone outside the story. Very interesting.
Slept well last night, but not enough. MmmmmmNnNNnnmmm.
Need to keep track of people more. I wish I had the time for long heart to heart talks now that I did in college. I wish I had all of these people close now like I did then. There is nothing like realizing how good you had it. And though I try to regret nothing, I realize that there is at least one thing I do regret. I'm going to work on fixing it.
This was the weekend of me realizing how many of my friends /don't/ know each other for all that they really should. How many of the people coming in and out of my life do and do not know each other. It was good to see them all though. It was a balm to reconnect with these people.
Saturday started with me waking up in pain as I only prought one pair of shoes with me to Con. Silly me. Ran into a friend from high school. That was a bit surreal. Went to a few pannels, had a few discussions. Looked at Micheal Whelan's paintings and wished I had the money to buy some of them. All in all I was not tempted by much in the dealer's room but I bought some art. It will come to me and I will love it.
Went back to the room and people showed up to hang out. One of them was Alex who brough Simon with him. It was good to see him. It's been years and now that I have his address and phone number and stuff I will not let contact slip so easily from my fingers this time. We hung out some, talked, partied a little. I was nibbled on by a few different people, drank some more, danced some more. Hung out with Jenny Z some and was pleased by the ease with which it came.
Hung out with Briand and chatted with him some. There are people I wish I could just have instantaneous communication with, some sort of synthesis or understanding or... I can't describe it. I spent time with these people this weekend. After a bit we went back to my room and chatted - me and Alex and Brian, later joined by Luke and someone who's name has left me.
Talked to Luke some. I instinctively knew he would understand what I needed to talk about and why things on Friday had sucked. I put together a few more pieces of things and was generally pleased. For a conversation that couldn't have been longer than 5 minutes, I learned a lot. I've grown paranoid of opening up too much with people. I never know how much to say. I'm scared of letting people see the extremes. The manic is easier to let out than the depression but... I need to work on it. There are far too few people I am comfortable crying, truly crying, around and holding it inside is making me crazy. It also makes it so when I'm around one of those people, those emotions surge up in me wanting release. Awkward at best.
Sunday was relaxing. Going to see movie previews, buying some things, getting some new d20s and then heading off to game. Game was short and sweet and then we watched Spirited Away. I love that movie. For some reason I instinctively trust Haku, even from the point of view of someone outside the story. Very interesting.
Slept well last night, but not enough. MmmmmmNnNNnnmmm.
Need to keep track of people more. I wish I had the time for long heart to heart talks now that I did in college. I wish I had all of these people close now like I did then. There is nothing like realizing how good you had it. And though I try to regret nothing, I realize that there is at least one thing I do regret. I'm going to work on fixing it.
