What to say, what to say

[lithera]

I really needed the week off for a lot of reasons. I didn't get to all of the things or people I wanted to but I did get a lot of stuff done. And I got to spend some time with myself, which I also needed. Sometimes I don't like spending too much time in my own head but as someone who analyzes pretty much every emotion and reaction she has, it can be needed to make sure I'm not just compartmentalizing all of the problems somewhere where I'm not going to see them until they've managed to sink me.

I've been living the past few weeks with a general sense of low lying dread. I know why this is (there are multiple sources of worry) and there is not really anything I can do about any of them. This is where most of my coping ability falls apart. I am much better when I can be doing something about issues. Most of these, though, are hurry up and wait and patch up as I can.

So, a general state of the me:
- I went to the gym yesterday. I need help with this. I need to keep going. I have never lost weight through pure exercise and I don't think I will this time either but I was in much better shape a year ago than I am now. I liked being in that sort of shape, so back to the gym I go. I am crap for keeping myself motivated about these things. (See lack of weight loss.) The improvements are there but they are incremental and very hard to track. So, I must just do this. I am worth it, though it can be hard to remember all of that.

- Food. I'm not going to say diet because that word comes with a lot of different stupid baggage. I'm making a change and I'm sticking to it. (Or that's what I'm telling myself today and every day.) Enough with the fried, high carb junky food. I know it is bad for me, I know it does nothing for me. I need to eat more protein and less sugar. More protein and vegetables and less french fries and pizza.

- More forward looking plans. I do a lot of this now but not enough of it where money and long term betterment come in. Not just of myself but of those around me as well. I've started up a 529 for David (If there are those who would like to be on the list of contributors, lemme know.) and am looking into how I can get a college fund going for Liam as well. If anyone knows how to get a college fund going for someone in another country, please let me know. Or if you have other long term investing plans that would work about the same, I'm interested in that too.

- Get out there. Go. Be available. Meet new people. Don't be afraid to tell people how you feel about them. Also, don't self-sabotage. Feel free to hold people accountable for their reactions to you. Be comfortable with yourself but not permissive of negative behaviors.

- Do more things that mean something. And, no, I can't define it better than that. I took steps that way in 2010 but I haven't quite gotten there yet. Help create, create, support, change lives.

Comments

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

Do more things that mean something. And, no, I can't define it better than that. I took steps that way in 2010 but I haven't quite gotten there yet. Help create, create, support, change lives.

That's one of the loveliest and well-phrased way of saying/pursuing those ambitions that I've seen put down. <3

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I keep on thinking that I can do more to change the world - not in big ways but in little ways. And, yeah, my ways of changing the world aren't going to be what everyone would choose or expect but that's all the more reason for them to get out there too.

[asthecrowfly.livejournal.com]

You've got the awesome to keep moving forward. I know we've never hung out much, but I've got an open door and a pile of tea if you ever want to brainstorm on the path to doing more than resonates, that means something. Sometimes it's easier to sound it out.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I too have these things and I like hanging out. What days are better for you?

[asthecrowfly.livejournal.com]

I typically am good any day but Wednesdays (usually have a F2F for that day for one of my freelance contracts.) Otherwise my schedule is pretty open.

[silverbrood.livejournal.com]

can I steal your resolutions? Oh, and I thought the college funds had to oopned by your own kin?

weightloss and excercise are hard to evaluate when you can't stay out of your own head, what works for me has been:
get a trial membership at someplace and get a full eval, staple it to my most recent physical and after sticking it in an envelope give it to a friend with the instructions to hand it back in SIX MONTHS - grab another free member ship at that time and compare results.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

No. College funds do not have to be opened by your own kin. There are options for 'friend' to do so as well. I know, cause I just did it.

Hrmmmm. Not a bad idea. Could go get a physical too, though that would be doctors and that sucks just as much if not more than the gym.

And they're not really resolutions as much as 'what I need to do now'.

[silverbrood.livejournal.com]

well, damn. That sure is useful, so extended friends and family can get one up and running and keep it on the low-low. The only thing cooler than having a free ride is when it's a surprise.

Having the trainer and a doc check you out gives oyu a LIST of metrics so you have manyhtings to see improvement on. Most of those additional metrics are like peak blood pressure, heart rate during moderate exertion etc... ones that improve early before more blatant ones ... I know it helps me keep involved when I know that even though I still get tired after X miles walk I did it in 3 minutes less time and my beats per minute are 10 percent lower.... I might not have lost weight and that spot in my left back might still hurt like a bitch but hey, I was only superman 7 yrs.