Kat: A Guide for the Lost Part 54

[lithera]

These things have been coming up a lot recently and when I'm presented with the same things in a lot of different ways, it makes me think about it and so... Here you go.

My memory, like much else in my life is circular. If I think of something and I don't act on it soon, it will be carried along by the stream of my thoughts. Eventually it will come back. Some thoughts move faster (bills for instance) and some move much more slowly (interesting things to post on LJ, philosophies of life, birthdays...). Some things I will see once a day, some once a year, some not even that. (And that doesn't count the things that come up so often I think I /must/ have done something about them. This is where I hope people remind me that I haven't acutally accomplished whatever it is.)

When I say, "We should get together and do something" or "We should hang out" this is not me being polite. This is me seriously saying that we should hang out more. Now, I likely do not have anything specific in mind when I say this, which is why I'm not saying, "We should go bungee jump off of a bridge tomorrow" or "I saw a place that serves Haitian food. We should go there Friday." Please feel free to take the initiative and come up with something. Or say "Huh. I don't know what we should do. Let's think of something."

If you want to do something with me, do not broach it to me during the last hour and a half of a work day. I'm likely either a) entirely focused on work b) totally fried or c) both. I'm usually going to be a bit grumpy at that point. The more time I have to think about something, the more likely it is that I'm going to convince myself to do whatever it is. There are a few exceptions to this but they usually include things that happen on a schedule anyway.

Regarding dinner - If I have eaten or are cooking or something like that and you ask me out to dinner, I'm going to say no. If you ask if I'd like a beer, or to join you for conversation your chances are better. When I'm at a restaurant I feel compelled to order food. This is not a good thing for a lot of reasons (money and over eating being primary and saying you'll pay may or may not help your cause). Me saying no probably has little to do with you and a lot to do with me.

On-line chatting - I usually don't talk to people on-line unless I have something to say. I'm horrible at random idle chit-chat in person and I'm worse at it on-line. Now, I might page you with something totally random and stupid but hey, that's the way it goes some times. (My internet conversations with Holly usually start with YOU! or HEY WOMAN! and that's usually because I'm afraid she won't see it, as if larger letters had something to do with the intensity the blinking indicator blinks.)

Because of various factors in my growing up, I can go without seeing people for a long time and not notice. I know. It is horrible and I do what I can to change that but there are some times I don't have enough focus to keep all of that front of mind. It isn't that I don't love you. It is more that I built up mechanisms to stop me from emotionally bleeding out everytime someone left. This means, sometimes, I let friends drift more than I should. (And yes, I can consider myself close friends with someone I only see two or three times a year. There are some lovely people who live in Vancouver I could introduce you to who are proof enough of that.) There isn't much more I can do other than appologize and try to make more time for you but really, sometimes you'll have to let me know you miss me.

I probably should have cut this. And there will probably be a lot of "tl;dr" reactions but hey. I'm putting it out there.

Comments

[apestyle.livejournal.com]

ntl;r

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[m00t.livejournal.com]

Ditto.


And yeah. We should do something.

I haven't been to the zoo in 4ever (yes, I used a 4. It's been /that/ long.) and I want to take Siobhan. Maybe we can get a troupe together.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Totally. (And damn it, I use that word too much recently. ARG.) Zoos are good I like zoos. What are you and Siobhan doing for turkey eating festivities?

[m00t.livejournal.com]

We're heading down to her brother's place in Portland the day before.

This is sort of the annoying thing (though it's still nice) about having familish stuff to do on holidays. I don't get to hang out with friends!

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Also, I'm sort of vaguely attempting to get roller skating going. Are you doing anything the 3rd?

[m00t.livejournal.com]

Nothing planned as such. I haven't been skating in ages. Where is there a rink now-a-days?

[lithera.livejournal.com]

There are a lot of them. We haven't picked one yet.

[fireballof3.livejournal.com]

totes skating planning once we get D&D nailed down.
I'm thinkin maybe Auburn next time. We'll do a "tour of rinks in western WA" kinda thing...

OOP OOP!

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Well, right now the 3rd is the date most people have free. (As Cody's game is intractable for some of these lovely peoples, you see.)

Of course, I could always go twice a month.

[fireballof3.livejournal.com]

I don't know if David and I could handle twice / month, especially since I would like to recover from Oct sometime...

[lithera.livejournal.com]

*chuckles*

Well, you wouldn't have to go twice a month... I'm just saying that if, for whatever reason, the 3rd doesn't work for you...

[fireballof3.livejournal.com]

Ah. I see now.

I'll run it by the wifey-poo, but the 3rd should be OK for David & I.

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

tl;dr?

[apestyle.livejournal.com]

(too long; didn't read)

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

Ah, now I feel educated!

Of course, having a question about the last line proves that I didn't think that.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Or that you just read the last line.

[thezzyzx.livejournal.com]

Yeah, perhaps it was that ;)

[yellowseptember.livejournal.com]

You know... I'm very glad you took the time to write this.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I have a habit of pulling myself apart and looking at the pieces and sometimes what I find is shareable. Other times I can't articulate what I've found well enough to share. As I said, though, the sentiment of "You don't talk to me, you must not care" has jumped me from several different angles in the past few weeks. So, I thought I'd try to elucidate.

[grymor.livejournal.com]

Yah, pretty much knew all this. You'll notice I've never been annoyed about it? It's just my timing sucks... a lot, and it's not like I can skip asking, as occasionally I'll think my timing sucks but it won't actually be too late.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

*chuckles* Better to ask than not to ask and I do appreciate the asking.

[torquemada.livejournal.com]

*hug!*

I've really liked spending more time with you this last year, and I usually wish it was more still. Not enough hours, man.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Busy, busy bee you.

[torquemada.livejournal.com]

I think I need to find a house in Seattle or something at this rate.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

To dreeaaammm the impossible dreeeaaaammm...

[torquemada.livejournal.com]

Climb every mountaiiiiiin
Ford every streeeeeeam
Follow every bywaaaaay
Till you find an affordable house on three acres with a fenced backyaaaaard

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Heh. I know where there are some of those. The commute would be a bitch, though.

[torquemada.livejournal.com]

I've looked out past Issaquah and found some nice options. I'd be about as far away, but I could bus to work from Issaquah much more easily than I bus from Factoria now, and driving into Seattle would be a straight shot down I-90.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I might be able to handle that if I were commuting in with someone. By myself, I'd just slowly grow to resent the travel time, no matter how many books I got to finish reading.

[torquemada.livejournal.com]

It's 2-3 hours every day that I'd much rather be spending on other things. Driving into downtown might save me a little time, but parking would be really expensive, and my stress would be even worse.

Meh.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

I could buy a place where my parents live for less than I pay in rent a month. 3 bedrooms, a billion or so acres...

Oi.

[torquemada.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but you wouldn't be making as much working there.

I need a telecommuting job that pays what I make now, clearly.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Obviously.

[angrylemur.livejournal.com]

This is not tl;dr. This is good information for people you're friends with to know, and being upfront about it is more than most people can do.

I get a lot of this, because I can be the same way. Especially when it comes to going for long periods of time without seeing people and then going "What? Of course I still like you! :D"

I mean, growing up I would go for months, sometimes even a year or more without seeing my dad. I've never felt like you need to see someone every day in order to be close. I totally don't mind seeing people I like every day, but that never happens unless circumstances dictate it, just because I don't have the time or the energy. I can name some people in Seattle who are examples of this.

Kat.

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetheart.

*smooches*

[richardjgrayson.livejournal.com]

Yeah, totally seconding this. I'm pretty solitary, so I have to make a conscious decision to be around people, and then decompress afterwards. I don't know how people can have other people in their space 24/7, it just drives me nuts.

Wait, taking the initiative - so, I could totally suggest bungee jumping off the Golden Gate sometime?

(pokes at Kat's brain)

[lithera.livejournal.com]

Sure. I don't think that's legal but what the hell?

[richardjgrayson.livejournal.com]

It's the sentiment that matters, right? ;)

[lithera.livejournal.com]

*chuckles*

Something like that.

[lizamanynames.livejournal.com]

i;r

Thank you so very much for this - it's important stuff to know about a person, and I was actually mildly shocked by how much of it applies to me, too.

I should probably do a post like this.

[alkam.livejournal.com]

I am still lamenting that I am stuck out here, damnit! It is the opposite of where you are!

I'm going to mirror what a lot of people said and say I'm the same way. At any given time, I've got a million things going on in my head, so stuff slips out until it floats back around again. And honestly I can say, it is a pleasant surprise when you message me, as neither of us are OMG TALK sometimes.

And the west coast shall soon come under my command!! Mwahahahaaha!! Or, reversely, I'll just catch a flight at some point. ;)

[lithera.livejournal.com]

That would be a truly epic thing, a visit, it would.