Thoughts for Cody.
Jun. 13th, 2001 02:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
litheraI was reading Cody's livejournal post today and I realized that I've been graduated for around a year now. That in itself has me in a thoughtful mood, because to tell you truthfully, it hasn't felt like a year.
I remember freaking out when I packed up my stuff and headed out my fourth year of college. I realized that it was ending next year. I was going to be leaving unless something happened to change it. Something changed in me and the way I thought about things. It took me quite sometime to get used to the new mindset. But then I did and moved on to graduation.
Getting a job and a place to live and making sure I could eat comprised the most of the begining of that. Then from about October to December there was the frentetic rush of the holidays where everything seems to go by really quickly. Also in the background of all of that a very good friend of mine was dying. I was hoping that things would start looking better and they just never did.
New Years. Alex died, I slipped into a strange funk where I didn't really care about much and spent lots of time thinking about strange questions that didn't have much effect on the world other than my perception of it. I also started pulling away from people. No one I loved had died in a significant amount of time and it made me think.
The next few months pass in a haze. I wake up and its March. Its March and I want to see people. I start to crawl back out of the haze I hadn't noticed was there. Crawling back out takes me until Mid-May sometime when more confrontation in my life brings me into a rage for the first time in many, mnay moons. I feel cleansed somehow after this and start realizing that things in my mentalscape are all out of whack.
I have medical problems that scare the hell out of me. They turn out to be nothing but strange quirks of the body and I feel better.
I start this diet, lose some weight and continue to lose, though its quickly less obvious then it was in the begining. I get my orange belt and that brings me to now.
There are tons of things I didn't mention, I know. It doesn't feel like a year.
I like my rituals and patterns. I love them. I am looking towards a move in August and while it sounds a like a grand adventure, some part of me just wants to find a place to live. Settle down and be there. Sure, I love to travel, but I want to find a place to call home. Such a strangeness and hard to grasp what exactly I'm looking for. I'll grasp it someday.
Cody - I'm a very odd person when it comes to moving and distance. I have many quirks in this area. I don't know if we've ever had a conversation about those things. You were the only person I felt really close to that last year up there for large chunks of time. Thank you. I do appreciate it. I have missed you.
I remember freaking out when I packed up my stuff and headed out my fourth year of college. I realized that it was ending next year. I was going to be leaving unless something happened to change it. Something changed in me and the way I thought about things. It took me quite sometime to get used to the new mindset. But then I did and moved on to graduation.
Getting a job and a place to live and making sure I could eat comprised the most of the begining of that. Then from about October to December there was the frentetic rush of the holidays where everything seems to go by really quickly. Also in the background of all of that a very good friend of mine was dying. I was hoping that things would start looking better and they just never did.
New Years. Alex died, I slipped into a strange funk where I didn't really care about much and spent lots of time thinking about strange questions that didn't have much effect on the world other than my perception of it. I also started pulling away from people. No one I loved had died in a significant amount of time and it made me think.
The next few months pass in a haze. I wake up and its March. Its March and I want to see people. I start to crawl back out of the haze I hadn't noticed was there. Crawling back out takes me until Mid-May sometime when more confrontation in my life brings me into a rage for the first time in many, mnay moons. I feel cleansed somehow after this and start realizing that things in my mentalscape are all out of whack.
I have medical problems that scare the hell out of me. They turn out to be nothing but strange quirks of the body and I feel better.
I start this diet, lose some weight and continue to lose, though its quickly less obvious then it was in the begining. I get my orange belt and that brings me to now.
There are tons of things I didn't mention, I know. It doesn't feel like a year.
I like my rituals and patterns. I love them. I am looking towards a move in August and while it sounds a like a grand adventure, some part of me just wants to find a place to live. Settle down and be there. Sure, I love to travel, but I want to find a place to call home. Such a strangeness and hard to grasp what exactly I'm looking for. I'll grasp it someday.
Cody - I'm a very odd person when it comes to moving and distance. I have many quirks in this area. I don't know if we've ever had a conversation about those things. You were the only person I felt really close to that last year up there for large chunks of time. Thank you. I do appreciate it. I have missed you.
