More thinking....
May. 9th, 2001 10:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
litheraSo many possible topics. Lots of things going on in my head.
I wonder if there is someone out there who has had lots of good birthdays. I personally can only remember one and it wasn't even really a birthday party. It was just a bunch of people hanging out and it happened to be on my birthday.
I also wonder if I'm too forgiving. When is it not okay to let a friend back in after they've hurt you? Where is my line for that? I can't think of anyone who has done something that I haven't been able to forgive. *time out to talk to Julz and give her hugs* Is that because I don't like conflict? I'd rather just forgive someone who hurts me than fight? Or is it that I would rather have them as a friend than fight about whatever it is?
I don't know.
I've also realized that my long term memory is all sorts of weird. It's like memories from certain eras are put into a big pot and swirled around. High school is seperate from college and so forth like that, but everything in between is all messed up and I'm not sure what things happened when. Very strange. Then again, sometimes I have trouble remembering how old I am.
So, from here forth, if I say something was at a certain time, make sure I have some sort of event marker for it. *Interupted by phone. Silly people expecting me to do work* I realized that I had no idea what year if was for that New Years party at Holly's in Federal Way (yes, yes, Dash Point), but I hand't realize how mixed up things really were. Maybe life moves faster than I do. Is everyone's memory like that?
Communication is an important thing. Sometimes you think you're trying to communication and the you find out that so was the person you were talking to... Somehow you just were never able to get something going so you could actually talk to each other. How odd that people trying to reach out to each other can sometimes miss entirely.
It's also amazing to me right now how what seemed like life ending trauma, just doesn't even bother me anymore. I remember how upset I was over so many things. How I cried for days over things and people and events. Yes, they still sting a little, but most of them don't ruffle me. It's part of the "not worrying about thigns so much" attitude that I've been cultivating. I'm still not sure where I want to end up on the worry about it/not worry about it scale.
Sometimes it's hard to remember that the only person I need to make happy is myself. Really damned difficult it is, sometimes. More questions I'm still trying to figure out.... selfishness, giving, caring, martyrdom, depression, where do I draw the lines and who does that make me? Too many to talk about. I do need to get some work done.
I wonder if there is someone out there who has had lots of good birthdays. I personally can only remember one and it wasn't even really a birthday party. It was just a bunch of people hanging out and it happened to be on my birthday.
I also wonder if I'm too forgiving. When is it not okay to let a friend back in after they've hurt you? Where is my line for that? I can't think of anyone who has done something that I haven't been able to forgive. *time out to talk to Julz and give her hugs* Is that because I don't like conflict? I'd rather just forgive someone who hurts me than fight? Or is it that I would rather have them as a friend than fight about whatever it is?
I don't know.
I've also realized that my long term memory is all sorts of weird. It's like memories from certain eras are put into a big pot and swirled around. High school is seperate from college and so forth like that, but everything in between is all messed up and I'm not sure what things happened when. Very strange. Then again, sometimes I have trouble remembering how old I am.
So, from here forth, if I say something was at a certain time, make sure I have some sort of event marker for it. *Interupted by phone. Silly people expecting me to do work* I realized that I had no idea what year if was for that New Years party at Holly's in Federal Way (yes, yes, Dash Point), but I hand't realize how mixed up things really were. Maybe life moves faster than I do. Is everyone's memory like that?
Communication is an important thing. Sometimes you think you're trying to communication and the you find out that so was the person you were talking to... Somehow you just were never able to get something going so you could actually talk to each other. How odd that people trying to reach out to each other can sometimes miss entirely.
It's also amazing to me right now how what seemed like life ending trauma, just doesn't even bother me anymore. I remember how upset I was over so many things. How I cried for days over things and people and events. Yes, they still sting a little, but most of them don't ruffle me. It's part of the "not worrying about thigns so much" attitude that I've been cultivating. I'm still not sure where I want to end up on the worry about it/not worry about it scale.
Sometimes it's hard to remember that the only person I need to make happy is myself. Really damned difficult it is, sometimes. More questions I'm still trying to figure out.... selfishness, giving, caring, martyrdom, depression, where do I draw the lines and who does that make me? Too many to talk about. I do need to get some work done.
