When somebody hurts me unintentionally, I sometimes bring it to their attention. Quite often, I consciously forgive, although I am ashamed to admit that often this affects my feelings for that person, feelings that bleed over into other things. Usually, I try to base my judgements more on intentions than consequences.
I try to be objective about evauluating complaints that are brought to me. In the initial conversation, I seem to take their critique at face value. Then I spend the next few days in spiraling overanalysis, looking at the validity of their complaint and trying to ferret out the root cause of my behavior that they are complaining about. Last time I did this, this process itself caused problems, because the other person took my analysis as "focusing on the negative parts of (that person) and our friendship".
At least, that's how I behave when I'm at my best. There have been times when somebody came to me to talk about my hurtful behavior, and I took it as a personal attack (either because of their communication style or my mood at the time). There is one person in particular that this happened with several times last year, but I don't think it has happened with anybody else.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2002-07-15 04:03 pm (UTC)I try to be objective about evauluating complaints that are brought to me. In the initial conversation, I seem to take their critique at face value. Then I spend the next few days in spiraling overanalysis, looking at the validity of their complaint and trying to ferret out the root cause of my behavior that they are complaining about. Last time I did this, this process itself caused problems, because the other person took my analysis as "focusing on the negative parts of (that person) and our friendship".
At least, that's how I behave when I'm at my best. There have been times when somebody came to me to talk about my hurtful behavior, and I took it as a personal attack (either because of their communication style or my mood at the time). There is one person in particular that this happened with several times last year, but I don't think it has happened with anybody else.