Lots of thinking.
Sep. 19th, 2008 09:13 amI do my best thinking while I'm asleep. I do my second best thinking in the shower. This has always been true.
Things are percolating in my brain. Spurred on, a lot, by![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bloolark's comments and some others I've read this morning. My brain was very active in my sleep last night. My dreams were very vivid and a little confusing but it all sort of points one way.
Topic the first: The gym. I have noticed improvement in my physical self, though I've got to stop looking at the scale or it will drive me mad. I've regained some fo my flexibility, though I'm not back to where I once was. My breathing is better. San Diego didn't wipe me out until Saturday this year. So, yeah, I'm getting improvement. I hate going but, to be honest, there is a sort of catharsis I go through there that I haven't found in much else. It has been a long time since I've been able to channel this much emotion into physical activity and it is something I've missed. Most of my entries here come when I've just gotten home and I'm at an energy low.
Also, there isn't much else that I can have found that I can keep doing. I don't know what it is with me but most of these sorts of activities are just things I'll stop doing. Self sabotage? Sure. I'm very good at it and I'm also very good at hiding it from myself as being such. Holding myself to this schedule is something I seem to be able to do and I'm not going to let it go just yet. That and I am very glad to be doing this with Kris. It feels important to be doing this together.
Topic the second: Supplimental activities. I want to add something else to this. There are a few options that I have in mind, all of them with issues with them and some such. (Not sure how much of that is self-sabotage and how much is just what it is. Hard to see some times.) It has been recommended that I need to be going to the gym four times a week. This is an ideal number. I have a hard time with that. So, instead, I'd like to add something else. I have some ideas.
1 - Swimming. I used to love the water. I know what is holding me back on this one and it sounds ridiculous in my head but I can point right at it. I don't own a swimming suit and I am terrified of going shopping for one and more terrified of actually being seen in public in one. There are a few places I can go but I have to get over that first bit before I can even try.
2 - Martial Arts. I used to love karate. When there was a place to go close to where I was living, I would go two or three times a week. Then I moved and the commute pretty much killed it for me. So, for this one, there is a location issue, as well as a style issue and a bit of a money issue. Lots of research to be done here.
3 - Something I have not tried. I have tried a lot of things. Most of them have not become a habit and that's what I need. I need something that will become a habit. I, preferably, want something that I will do with someone else. If it is something that someone is doing /with/ me, I will be much less likely to flake out, make excuses and such and such. So, anyone want to try something new? Rock Climbing? Curling? Ice skating? (I'm running out of ideas after that, so not sure what else...)
Topic the Third: My rut. I like my rut. I have tried to break it up this year and have mostly been successful. I've added a streak of volunteerism to my life, which is something I needed. Thanks to my mom for the inspiration on that one. None of it is exactly the Peace Corps but I feel more involved. I'm still looking for a place to connect. I've been looking for a long time, really. Since I graduated college. I'm getting closer but I don't think I've found it yet. I miss the feeling I got out of the SCA but I don't think that can be recaptured - being what it was at the time in my life that it was. I'm also looking for suggestions of a group activity that will get me involved with other people doing something. I know. Could I vague that up for you some more? I just want to go out and get more connected with people doing something I enjoy. Sure, volunteering at conventions is fun but they are only so many times a year, you know? Any suggestions?
Things are percolating in my brain. Spurred on, a lot, by
bloolark's comments and some others I've read this morning. My brain was very active in my sleep last night. My dreams were very vivid and a little confusing but it all sort of points one way.Topic the first: The gym. I have noticed improvement in my physical self, though I've got to stop looking at the scale or it will drive me mad. I've regained some fo my flexibility, though I'm not back to where I once was. My breathing is better. San Diego didn't wipe me out until Saturday this year. So, yeah, I'm getting improvement. I hate going but, to be honest, there is a sort of catharsis I go through there that I haven't found in much else. It has been a long time since I've been able to channel this much emotion into physical activity and it is something I've missed. Most of my entries here come when I've just gotten home and I'm at an energy low.
Also, there isn't much else that I can have found that I can keep doing. I don't know what it is with me but most of these sorts of activities are just things I'll stop doing. Self sabotage? Sure. I'm very good at it and I'm also very good at hiding it from myself as being such. Holding myself to this schedule is something I seem to be able to do and I'm not going to let it go just yet. That and I am very glad to be doing this with Kris. It feels important to be doing this together.
Topic the second: Supplimental activities. I want to add something else to this. There are a few options that I have in mind, all of them with issues with them and some such. (Not sure how much of that is self-sabotage and how much is just what it is. Hard to see some times.) It has been recommended that I need to be going to the gym four times a week. This is an ideal number. I have a hard time with that. So, instead, I'd like to add something else. I have some ideas.
1 - Swimming. I used to love the water. I know what is holding me back on this one and it sounds ridiculous in my head but I can point right at it. I don't own a swimming suit and I am terrified of going shopping for one and more terrified of actually being seen in public in one. There are a few places I can go but I have to get over that first bit before I can even try.
2 - Martial Arts. I used to love karate. When there was a place to go close to where I was living, I would go two or three times a week. Then I moved and the commute pretty much killed it for me. So, for this one, there is a location issue, as well as a style issue and a bit of a money issue. Lots of research to be done here.
3 - Something I have not tried. I have tried a lot of things. Most of them have not become a habit and that's what I need. I need something that will become a habit. I, preferably, want something that I will do with someone else. If it is something that someone is doing /with/ me, I will be much less likely to flake out, make excuses and such and such. So, anyone want to try something new? Rock Climbing? Curling? Ice skating? (I'm running out of ideas after that, so not sure what else...)
Topic the Third: My rut. I like my rut. I have tried to break it up this year and have mostly been successful. I've added a streak of volunteerism to my life, which is something I needed. Thanks to my mom for the inspiration on that one. None of it is exactly the Peace Corps but I feel more involved. I'm still looking for a place to connect. I've been looking for a long time, really. Since I graduated college. I'm getting closer but I don't think I've found it yet. I miss the feeling I got out of the SCA but I don't think that can be recaptured - being what it was at the time in my life that it was. I'm also looking for suggestions of a group activity that will get me involved with other people doing something. I know. Could I vague that up for you some more? I just want to go out and get more connected with people doing something I enjoy. Sure, volunteering at conventions is fun but they are only so many times a year, you know? Any suggestions?
