Weekend...

It was a good weekend. Spent Friday night and most of Saturday down in Tacoma with Mike, Leigh and David. That was lovely. I should go spend more time down there. I should hurry up and finish making instantaneous transportation so I can do things like that and not worry about things like travel time.

I got a lot of sleep Saturday night. I mean, a lot. I don't think I've gone to sleep that early in ages.

Sunday was good. Yes, yes. Good.

Today I'm here at work, feeling a little jumpy. I'm not sure why, exactly, but I feel a little off - a little jumpy. It's a little like being sure someone is watching over your shoulder and looking.... and no one is there. It's driving me crazy.

Oh yeah. That.

I had the worst dream I've had in a long time. I've found it doesn't translate well in the telling but I'll try to explain it here.

I met this guy. He was was sweet but firm, funny and intelligent. He was tall and had blue eyes that sparkled without the sun. As I met him, I heard a voice tell me that he was fated to an early death.

What was I to do? I took the knowledge from the voice, a God-like narrator of sorts, and conversed with this man. We hit it off marvelously. We slowly fell further and further in love. After various scenes of different things - coffee, dancing, walking, talking - we were watching a game at a field. The smell of the grass was strong. I was sitting up, leaning back against the bleachers and he was laying next to me.

Pushing himself up on his arms he came in close to me, extended his hand to my cheek and looked into my eyes. After a few moments, there in the warm sun, we leaned in and kissed each other. I'd like to say it was a marvelous kiss, but it wasn't. He pulled back from me, still smiling for moments before he slumped into my lap, eyes rolling up into his head.

I felt the presence of the God-like narrator as I arranged him for CPR, calling for someone to call 911. They took him to the hospital and it was learned he had a heart defect that there had never been reason to suspect.

I woke up with fresh tears on my face. I stayed awake crying for some time. It may not make any sense but I felt a strong sense of personal, real, heatbreaking loss from the dream. It has faded over the past few days but it still lingers, feeling familiar for some reason. It almost feels like I saw a large portion of someone else's life in a segmented pastiche.

I've got to stop having these dreams that are following me into wakefullness.

Regarding Angel and the effort to save it...

From James Marsters...
( Because it is long... )