Sep. 20th, 2001

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCI!!!

It's just barely your birthday, but I'm up, so why the hell not?

*hugs and love*
Not bad... Not bad at all. From Jenga and Tim.

Katrina:

You have good recuperative abilities and strong mental determination. You are very private and dislike others prying into your affairs. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You have a need to be up front.
Marie:


You want to be productive and feel useful, and enjoy helping solve problems. You like to be busy and not waste time. You have a need to be up front. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You can be quite inventive and quite curious.
Lehto:


You are fair-minded sometimes to the point of being opinionated. You have a strong need to be loved and appreciated. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. You need to learn faith in place of fear. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength.
Ouch.

Yesterday I went to sai class and we covered the first and second katas. That was pretty good. Lots of basics and then the first two katas about five times each. When we were practicing on out own, Oksana and I got a little to close and when she turns she smacked me on the flat of my chest just below mt left shoulder. It stung yesterday, but it went away. I know why now. It's going to bruise. It's going to bruise prettily here in a bit.

It hurts.

In other news Radiostar made my night. I love them. Phokus also kicked much ass. I enjoy their shows, I just wish I could get home from them before 2 in the morning. Ugh.

My body is trying to stage some sort of revolt. Everything I eat causes me to be unhappy and I'm suffering allsorts of odd pains that I don't undertand. This is about typical, really. I go through this about once a month. (Yes, for those of you thinking it - it is tied into that girly bleeding thing.) I hate this. My entire system goes out of whack for like four days. I can't eat anything, I hurt, I can be entirely cranky, I'm tired and generally out of whack.

I'll take some Aleeve and I'll feel mostly better. It helps a lot with many, many of the problems.

In yet other news, it appears I have a new title. So now, I think I am:
The Kat
Mad Propthet of 3
Princess of all the Strange Little Monkeys

There are probably others I'm forgetting right now, but that's all I can think of right now. Forgive me.
I am still planning on holding a party for Halloween on the 27th of October. That is a Saturday. You are all forewarned. I have less space this year than I did last year, but I am hoping that won't deter anyone from coming. I hope to get around to making invitations like Holly and I did last year, but they way life has been zooming around and by, I'm not sure if that will happen.
It sucks. Everytime I think I'm okay, I suddenly get all jumpy again.

It makes me angry that I'm this jumpy. It makes me angry that I'm scared. It makes me angry that this has the power to make me so uncertain. It makes me angry that I don't feel safe. It makes me angry that the liberating decision to live on my own has now turned into something almost paralyzing. It makes me angry that I can't sleep some nights.

I'm not an angry person. This is not natural for me. I'm not dealing with being frightened and angry very well. If I seem sort of stand-offish - that's why. I'm still freaked out. The logic sid of my brain and the emotion side of my brain are talking less than normal and when they do it's to convince me that there is a man out there who wants to kill me. Not me specifically but me generally.

Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it!!!!

Never have I been so envious of those who have family near by. Never before have I so desperately wanted someone to come hold me and make me feel safe. Never before, paradoxically, have I been so determined to weather something on my own, not depending on anyone. Never before have I been uncomfortable with my own emotional reaction to something.

I'm so confused and scared.

If I snap at you or shy away from you touching me in the next while, it's not because I don't like you. It's just because there are very few people who feel safe and everyone else feels like a threat. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.

Now I try to go to sleep so I can get up early and train people in the morning.

Profile

lithera

June 2011

S M T W T F S
   1234
56 78 91011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Feb. 10th, 2026 07:42 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios