Well....

Interesting if slow weekend. I needed a slow weekend so, that was good in its way.

Friday - Holly and I were going to talk to Sean about getting a job or finding somewhere else to live when he pages me on-line and says, "I'm moving to Portland." I blink and shrug. Sometimes its nice ot have the world listening to you and having a stash of good karma chips to cash in for the things you want. So, he packs and I clean and.... I RP'ed with a friend on-line I haven't in a long time and that felt good.

Saturday - I wake up at about 7. I lay in bed listening to silence for a good hour before Max and Holly start to move about. Then I lay in bed for longer and listen to people prepare breakfast. I mumble at people, arrange to go see Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade with Kevin and Sean and then go to karate. We did jump kicks and falls. I now remember how to fall properly. So many things I used to know but have forgotten... I reached that internal point of zen during that work out. My body hurt but it didn't matter. I was focused and centered and it was beautiful. My vertical gain on jumps it still pathetic. I need to practice jumping. So then I go to the movie and have a damned good time watching it. Holly and Max go to Bellingham. So, for about an hour I have the apartment all to myself since Sean left for Portland. It was so surreal. I wish I hadn't felt so awful. I would have enjoyed it more.

Sunday - More laying in bed. Lots more. I get up to get juice and notice that there are collected Batman graphic novels on the table that weren't there last night. Ooooooo. Killing Joke and Death in the Family. I had forgotten those happened in the same year. Bad year for Batman. Damn, the Joker is a bastard. I read those and schlep around the apartment. I decide to take most of the games off of my computer since I"m not playing them to beging with and put on Icewind Dale. Mmmmmm..... Heart of Winter is out. I want it.

Anyway... It's surreal. 11 days until my birthday.

Here lemme say it here just this once. Not gonna say it again. My b-day is the 16th of March. Day before you do that dressing up in green thing. Holly's is the 23rd, exactly one week after mine. Party - Yes. The weekend of the 23rd. Details are a bit sketchy as Kevin hasn't planned anything yet to my knowledge. But now everyone knows.

There.

Thinking about the afterlife.

I've been thinking about what happens to us after we die alot recently. It was sparked by my friend Alex dying and I've been sort of thinking on and off about it since then. I found I was entirely unsatisfied with all of my ideas of death after he died. None of them seemed to make any sense at that point.

I use to be greatly disturbed by the idea that there is nothing after we die. It no longer frightens me, but I think it would be a waste. I mean it has all the fulfilment of suddenly dying in a video game - less even. You don't get to see GAME OVER in front of your eyes.

I can't say as though I've talke to anyone after they've ben dead, but I have... Felt something that would lead me to belive there was something there. It could have been me halucinating to make myself feel better, but I really don't prefer to think like that. I think sometimes people can stick around. Sometimes I think they can even make themselves felt or heard or something.

Now, I don't think the same thing happens to everyone when they die. If everyone who ever died became a ghost there wouldn't be any room left after a time. Or maybe you get sometime to reach a feeling of closure after you die. No, not everyone can stick around and be a presence of a sort. So that would lead me to believe that there is something else.

Is it a big soul recycling bin and we all get to come out and try it again?
Is it an amusment park or perfect paradise sort of thing?
Heaven and Hell just seem too simplistic for me, the more I think about it.
In the end it's probably something entirely simple and a solution I haven't thought about at all, honestly.

I guess in the end it's whatever makes the most sense and comforts us. You can only find out once you're dead and there doesn't seem to be a way to tell people about it.