My weekend...
May. 13th, 2002 08:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
litheraWell then. Red Wings are in the Western Confrence finals. Woooo! 8 more wins and we have the Cup. Time for the octopi to come out. Whoever we play, the Avs or the Sharks it will be a good series. I'm glad we have time to rest up for it.
Friday: Wheeee. A really good day. My character in Brian's superhero game is entirely fucked up in the head. She's going kind of nutty and this time it isn't my fault. By day she can fly and has lazer beams and feel a near unctontrollable urge to destroy anytime anyone mentions the name of a god. At night... well... She's Morpheus as far as I can tell. It makes for a very weird state of mind. It's also made for the need for a code name change. I really do like Eclipse.
Saturday: Another fabulous day. Went to Bellingham, saw some people, played another superhero game. I'm begining to like Masque. Masque is an interesting, interesting person who is pretty strange, but in a very functional way. Enjoyed the time in the company. Felt pretty relaxed.
Sunday: Whoo boy. Called my mother for Mother's Day. *sigh* There were good parts and bad parts. My mother recognized that my views on God were valid and different from her's, though I don't think she quite gets it. It's a step. She and my father are trying to help my sister and actually asked my advice. Another step. She said she'd understand if I didn't want to come back home this year. I found out that my grandmother is dying. She doesn't expect to live out the year and if she goes, my grandfather will likely not be far behind. My mother told me she'd understand if I didn't want to come out for the funeral. *blink* Now, my grandmother and I don't get along, but she's still my grandmother and I still love her. I will go out for the funeral. It's odd to think that there is a whole section of the graveyard filled with my family. And that there will be room for me if I wish it....
So, that sucked. The thing that I was hoping for isn't going to happen, much like I thought, but I got my hopes up anyway. Damn that sucked. I've been trying to arrange an RP session with a close friend for two weeks now and it's fallen through five times now. If it were possible I'd just say skip it and move on, but that's not really practical.
That and I'm finding that I have this self-esteem thing. It's more complicated than I thought it would be. I still have all of those habits I built up of the years and they're almost automatic. I find myself reacting to things and going, /You know what? I don't think that anymore./ I need to find a new way to react. I can't do that anymore. I used to actually feel that people were paying compliments to me because they felt obligated as a friend. That they just wanted to make me feel better. That somehow they were laughing at me later. I don't anymore. I'm not sure how long that's been tru, but I'm just now noticing how much its changed.
My mood sucked for awhile yesterday. Some conversation with friends and a few timely e-mails and that helped. (Literaly, I would look at my hotmail inbox and go, Hmmmmm. I wonder if.... and e-mail would show up from the person I was thinking about. This happened like seven times with a few different people. It did wonders for my mood.)
Today: Coffee = good. Dinner with a friend = good. Laundry done = good. I need some bookshelves.
Friday: Wheeee. A really good day. My character in Brian's superhero game is entirely fucked up in the head. She's going kind of nutty and this time it isn't my fault. By day she can fly and has lazer beams and feel a near unctontrollable urge to destroy anytime anyone mentions the name of a god. At night... well... She's Morpheus as far as I can tell. It makes for a very weird state of mind. It's also made for the need for a code name change. I really do like Eclipse.
Saturday: Another fabulous day. Went to Bellingham, saw some people, played another superhero game. I'm begining to like Masque. Masque is an interesting, interesting person who is pretty strange, but in a very functional way. Enjoyed the time in the company. Felt pretty relaxed.
Sunday: Whoo boy. Called my mother for Mother's Day. *sigh* There were good parts and bad parts. My mother recognized that my views on God were valid and different from her's, though I don't think she quite gets it. It's a step. She and my father are trying to help my sister and actually asked my advice. Another step. She said she'd understand if I didn't want to come back home this year. I found out that my grandmother is dying. She doesn't expect to live out the year and if she goes, my grandfather will likely not be far behind. My mother told me she'd understand if I didn't want to come out for the funeral. *blink* Now, my grandmother and I don't get along, but she's still my grandmother and I still love her. I will go out for the funeral. It's odd to think that there is a whole section of the graveyard filled with my family. And that there will be room for me if I wish it....
So, that sucked. The thing that I was hoping for isn't going to happen, much like I thought, but I got my hopes up anyway. Damn that sucked. I've been trying to arrange an RP session with a close friend for two weeks now and it's fallen through five times now. If it were possible I'd just say skip it and move on, but that's not really practical.
That and I'm finding that I have this self-esteem thing. It's more complicated than I thought it would be. I still have all of those habits I built up of the years and they're almost automatic. I find myself reacting to things and going, /You know what? I don't think that anymore./ I need to find a new way to react. I can't do that anymore. I used to actually feel that people were paying compliments to me because they felt obligated as a friend. That they just wanted to make me feel better. That somehow they were laughing at me later. I don't anymore. I'm not sure how long that's been tru, but I'm just now noticing how much its changed.
My mood sucked for awhile yesterday. Some conversation with friends and a few timely e-mails and that helped. (Literaly, I would look at my hotmail inbox and go, Hmmmmm. I wonder if.... and e-mail would show up from the person I was thinking about. This happened like seven times with a few different people. It did wonders for my mood.)
Today: Coffee = good. Dinner with a friend = good. Laundry done = good. I need some bookshelves.
