What to say, what to say...?
Nov. 28th, 2006 09:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
litheraI need to get into a massage therapist. Anyone have any recomendations?
It is cold in my building. Downtown Seattle is freakishly empty out there. There was a lot of ice on the sidewalks as I was walking to the bus stop this morning. My ankles don't seem to be getting better and I'm not really sure what to do about that, either. I mean, the treatment for having pulled the tendons is to stay off of them, so... I mean, it isn't like I can do anymore of that than I am already.
I'm not sure if I'm geetting sick or not. Lemme explain that. I've been taking my allergy meds regularily but I missed Sunday and yesterday because I just forgot. I woke up this morning with tightness in my chest, phlegm in my lungs. Last night walking up the hill to meet Kris made my throat burn. I don't know if I'm having cold issues, allergy issues or my lungs just suck. I sort of feel like my body is betraying me and I'm falling apart. I really hate that feeling. Especially compounded by the general fear of mental degredation that has settled over me in the past month or so.
I think that in some parts, the paranoia has just started to find new things to worry me about and I'll take care of them with time. The old things I have a handle on. Those are generally easier to deal with. I know what those feel like, old friends that they are. I know what the lonely paranoia feels like. I know what the ugly paranoia feels like. I know what the stupid and not good enough and no one loves you and you can't be special or awesome or whatever enough for anyone to come looking for you if you disappear feels like. Those I can fight. Most of the time.
This one is new. This fear of slowly sliding into being helpless and useless.
I'll get it, sooner or later. I'll figure it out.
I really like the snow.
It is cold in my building. Downtown Seattle is freakishly empty out there. There was a lot of ice on the sidewalks as I was walking to the bus stop this morning. My ankles don't seem to be getting better and I'm not really sure what to do about that, either. I mean, the treatment for having pulled the tendons is to stay off of them, so... I mean, it isn't like I can do anymore of that than I am already.
I'm not sure if I'm geetting sick or not. Lemme explain that. I've been taking my allergy meds regularily but I missed Sunday and yesterday because I just forgot. I woke up this morning with tightness in my chest, phlegm in my lungs. Last night walking up the hill to meet Kris made my throat burn. I don't know if I'm having cold issues, allergy issues or my lungs just suck. I sort of feel like my body is betraying me and I'm falling apart. I really hate that feeling. Especially compounded by the general fear of mental degredation that has settled over me in the past month or so.
I think that in some parts, the paranoia has just started to find new things to worry me about and I'll take care of them with time. The old things I have a handle on. Those are generally easier to deal with. I know what those feel like, old friends that they are. I know what the lonely paranoia feels like. I know what the ugly paranoia feels like. I know what the stupid and not good enough and no one loves you and you can't be special or awesome or whatever enough for anyone to come looking for you if you disappear feels like. Those I can fight. Most of the time.
This one is new. This fear of slowly sliding into being helpless and useless.
I'll get it, sooner or later. I'll figure it out.
I really like the snow.
